A Reflection

I write this as a reflection on a conversation I had with my friend last night, or in fact, throughout my college life so far. We talked about a lot of things, love, discipline, fear, the approach to life, mindset and change.

Indeed, looking back at it, both of us have changed quite a bit. But how do we know that? How does one know of change? We talked about this, and I think the conclusion was, even though it may be hard to define it in certain contexts, one does it through some metric. It could be anything: your time taken for a 5 km run, the number of research papers you published, how often you make people around you smile, how often you pause to reflect over yourself, etc. You can “observe” change when you see that you did differently in a certain metric.

I consider some metrics more artificial and hollow than others. And I think you shouldn’t confuse your indicative metrics of choice with what you are trying to measure. For example, “success” as broad as the term is (and as different as it is for different people), may often have as one of its indicators: the amount of money one has. Which, again, I think we both agreed is not entirely worthless. If success for you is to have the freedom to pursue your interests, money may help with more such opportunities than when you would instead have to worry about your food, and survival and needs of your loved ones.

It is very evident and prominent however, that people can often forget that money is merely an aid and an indicator, but is not actually success (unless success for you is not the freedom of pursuit, but instead actually to “earn more money”. I would talk about that later). They can therefore be lost to give up their freedom of pursuit, in the pursuit of money itself.

That being said, what determines whether your metrics are good? And even before that, whether your goals themselves are good? What even is “good”? Should you have a goal that you always want to pursue in life?

I can’t really think of a way to identify good, even after some deep thought, but on the basis of some assumptions. That life (again, a broad term which may have some blurry boundaries for its definition), as precious as it is, is good!
Therefore, the acts I consider good are ones that do not harm life, but instead work for its betterment. Helping one survive and fulfill their needs, is something I would consider improving one’s life. It is therefore, I think that money (without the enslavement of it’s pursuit) may be good. But if instead, you do enslave yourself, it is taking away your life. And hence, transitions into something bad.

Extending this to other metrics: I think it is a good thing to work on yourself to get better. But if you keep chasing a metric so much that it takes away the joy of life, you need to pause. As my friend’s mom said, “It’s nice to time yourself when running and to be ambitious of being better at running. But don’t obsess yourself over your pace so much that you start hating running.”

That being said, suffering is inevitable. In fact, it is important. One may argue, to improve, you would have to inevitably cross paths with suffering. It may seem therefore that the pursuit of improvement is almost paradoxical. But you have to find your balance, I guess.

Through our experiences, every moment, life keeps sculpting us. And as he would say, I like to think one moment doesn’t really shape your entire life. But there are few where life may strike the chisel hard, and give form to features you take with you a long way. I think all my conversations with my friends have been like that. But notably, over the past few weeks, and especially yesterday, I think there have been many such features emerging in me as a person, gratefully because of all my interactions with my beloved friends.

I’ve come to realize, that it’s good to have goals. It’s good to improve, even if it means to suffer. But you shouldn’t be obsessed over it so much and need to find your balance. You also shouldn’t be afraid to measure. You should not fear the knowledge of the reality: the truth of the moment being set in stone in the minds of people around you and yourself. Or… I take it back. You can fear! It is ok to fear, but don’t let the fear get the better of you. It is easy to hide in the comfort of uncertainty. But you shouldn’t let the feeling of being afraid to draw you away from, for example, taking part in a competition, or confronting your feelings of love with someone. Just give it a shot. Do try your best, work on yourself and try and succeed (without the obsession of losing yourself). Play to win. It is fine to be afraid, but be brave to still make an attempt at the best of your capabilities.

With that, if you do think you fail to meet the goals you had, don’t be content with it, but don’t look down at yourself either! Try again, and again, working on yourself, improving yourself. Be open to change. Be reflective. Theorize and plan, but don’t be afraid to finally go out to experiment and measure. Acknowledge your weaknesses and failures, but be confident. Be grateful, helpful, humble. Do hard things, but don’t forget to enjoy and have fun. Travel, meet people, make meaningful relationships, try new experiences.

Don’t let fear keep you from the goodbyes. Try and see each other again! But, if for some reason, you cannot, be grateful for the moments you had with them and keep them in your best wishes.